breadcrumbs

I’ve spent the past few years creating makeshift signs. My mind is wonderful at crafting stories — jumping from one fictional scenario to the next.

I have been avoiding writing on this blog for some time. Mainly because my brain is jello by the time I get home, and because I do not know how to articulate how I am feeling. This week, however, may have been a breaking point for me and for that reason I am welcoming my blog back with open arms. Therapy for me, check. Content for you, check.

You would think after years of being utterly obsessed with people who do not fulfill me I would stop this cycle of unrequited love. I would stop pouring my heart and soul into boys who allude that they maybe care about me ish. Why am I still begging people to give a shit about me? I am finally at a place in life where I achieved all the goals I had set out for myself. I am finally the person I had always wanted to be when I was younger!

Yet here I am. In my comfort zone — still hoping to prove my worth to others. Unrequited love is a friend of mine; I know her well. I know what it is like to patiently wait for someone to open their eyes and register that you are the one for them. Is that not what happens in the romantic comedies? Boy comes to his senses and realizes that the quirky best friend was there all along! So, I wait and wait and wait and wait. I wear the perfect dress, frequent the gym, and pray for the switch to go off. Tell me what it takes to be your dream girl and I will become her.

However, it’s time I stop this ridiculous cycle. You cannot make people fall in love with you. You cannot force people to be who you want them to be. Take people at face value. You know this! You give this advice to other people! Why don’t you take your own advice!

I need to stop placing unrealistic expectations on others. It’s hard because my name quite literally translates to faith, and I have so much faith in others. I make excuses for shitty behavior. I set the bar on the ground so that no one can disappoint me. I tell myself that it does not matter if my love is reciprocated because loving hard is part of my DNA and to suppress that part of me would be an injustice. But sweetie, not everyone will love as hard as you do. You do not need to lose yourself in this vortex.

And one day, you will find someone who cares as much as you do! You will receive more than measly breadcrumbs. You will not have to convince yourself that he is right for you. You will not have to ignore the red flags. You will not have to bait your friends with questions you already know the answers to. You will no longer need to expend energy on someone who makes you cry and is clearly not worth it.

One day, someone will put you first, read your articles the second they go live, and create you Spotify playlists. One day, someone will give a shit.