How to Never Get Over Someone
"Who hurt you?"
- a line that rolls off the tongue after conversing with me about the nature of relationships
Oftentimes, a friend will ask me the best way to get over someone they're in love with. I crack up at this because I've never had a boyfriend, which means I have nothing concrete to offer in terms of advice. However, I’ve gone through a lot of unnecessary heartache these past few years. Whether it be a friend stabbing me in the back, not getting the attention I crave, or boys ghosting tf out of me... I’m basically a pro at getting my heart broken.
Sure, a lot of it is my fault because:
A) I never know what I want
B) I overthink everything
C) I ignore all the red flags thrown at me
D) I make a lot of excuses for people who don't deserve it
Nevertheless, here’s what I’ve learned after years of dealing with shitty situations (boys)
- Don’t plan a future with someone you know in your bones it’ll never work out with. Sure, it could work and you could be happy, but he* clearly lacks the traits that you fundamentally need to be fulfilled in the long run. He doesn’t ask enough questions, he isn’t attentive, he doesn’t read your work, and he doesn’t ask you what’s wrong when you’re so obviously struggling. So yeah... you enjoy his company and his face makes you melt... but that is not enough! Let him go! You deserve better sweetie!!
- Stop waiting around for him to one day realize that you are the love of his life. I always dressed up when I knew he would be there hoping that one day he would compliment me.. he never did.. Your self-worth is not based on what this fool thinks of you!
- If he is attentive and kind when it’s just you two, but a total ass who doesn’t acknowledge you when he’s around his friends… issa no.. I've always clung to the idea that who he is one-on-one is who he truly is.. but no! The few moments of intimacy don't replace the constant pain and confusion.
- NEVER trust other girls, lol. More than once, a close friend has gotten together with a guy I’ve been infatuated with. As a result, I now have hella trust issues. Loyalty, imo, is merely a concept or a figment of one's imagination. Girls will do anything in the name of love. There is no line they will not cross when it comes to the possibility of finding "the one." These are the facts.
- If he really liked you then you wouldn’t have to constantly make stupid excuses to see him. I would come up with the most absurd reasons to see this crackhead because his presence made me happier, yet he never did the same.. so there’s that..
- If you're constantly looking for signs to figure out if he likes you or if he "like likes" you, you're playing a dangerous game. "If they liked you, you'd know" is retweeted on my timeline 200x a day and I now swear by it. If he liked you there would be no need to get him drunk hoping he would finally open up. There would be no need to constantly shout "you're mean to me!" so he can dramatically exclaim that he is not, in fact, "mean" and that he secretly loves you.
- Just because he isn't your boyfriend doesn't mean that he can treat you like trash. If he led you to believe that you two have something going on then you have the right to be upset when he treats you poorly. Boys always know what they are doing! Sure they act dumb/clueless/dense but that is not an excuse! I’ve always been a non-confrontational human being, and I avoid uncomfortable situations like the plague. However, it’s 2018 so I'm working on communicating effectively rather than keeping everything bottled in until I explode on people who aren’t deserving of my rage (sorry mom). If he doesn't know that you're crying in your room as a result of him he'll never improve.. but be prepared.. he may not give a single fuck even after you confront him.. but hey, at least you'll have your answer.. he sucks!
I've never managed to take my own advice but hopefully y'all aren't as foolish as me.. Maybe one day something will work out and I'll write something more uplifting.. Until then, I'll be wallowing in the darkness and listening to from the dining table on repeat.
* "he" is every guy I've ever talked to combined into one being in order for this post to make sense