2 Steps Backwards

For the time being, I have reverted back to my life pre-college. I've been spending time with all of my hometown friends because that's what you do when you're back home. You hang out with the people who are within a 5 mile radius of you. The other night I went to a high school party and it was as if I had gone back in time. A world where people still think you are the same girl you used to be when you were 15. When you do something foreign to them they exclaim "Old Iman would never!" Well yeah, you nuthead.... the old Iman is dead. For some reason, I had expected everyone I used to know to have transformed into their best selves by now. However, I realized that day that time does not change everyone. The same people I despised back in the day still make me terribly uncomfortable. While the past few weeks have been fun, I feel as though my life has taken 2 steps backwards. When I was away at school I had a major superiority complex going on. I felt light years above all of the people who were stuck in the suburbs hanging out with the same ol' friends.. and here I am... back in the world I was so desperate to run away from. 

Grappling with all of this newfound change has been hard on me. I am no longer a youthful college student. I now wake up to the sound of my mom yelling at my sisters to get ready for school. Thursday nights are no longer automatically spent at rooftop. I can't walk down a flight of stairs to borrow eyelash glue, get a pasta jar opened up, or study with a bestie. The friends I saw every day are now scattered across the globe. Things will never go back to the way they used to be. Get it through your head sis. 

It's almost as if college never happened. Now that I am back home it feels like the last four years were a figment of my imagination. Everyone claims that college is the best time of your life, and while I can certainly see that being true I pray that is not the case for me. For, that would mean having to live life with a deep longing for something that no longer exists.