I apologize for being so inconsistent when it comes to writing. I haven’t had much time lately because I am so consumed with work, school, and hanging out with my friends as much as possible before life tears us apart (am I dramatic or am I dramatic). It’s been an odd couple of months because I feel as though I am living outside of my body. My therapist describes it as depersonalization. The feeling that you’re observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren’t real, or both. I look around at my friends laughing and I deeply sigh knowing that it’s all coming to an end. That all of these memories will be tucked away in my mind under the college umbrella. “Oh remember when we did this in college…. The college days… The college friends...” The life I live now will cease to exist. I will move out of the building I’ve lived in for the past 3 years and embark on a new journey. I will be forced to adopt a new normal. My anxiety about the future is at an all-time high and I try not to think about it often because my heart physically aches at the thought of leaving everything behind. I love the life I currently live, and I don’t want everything to change! Time is going by so quickly and I can’t make it stop.
I want everything to slow down. It’s odd living in a moment knowing that you will miss it one day soon. The only thing I can do at this point is live each day to the fullest, laugh more, practice gratitude, and record more videos for memories.