I read a book the other day titled “The Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter – and how to make the most of them now” that I think everyone ought to read. I struggle with anxiety, and self-help books help ease my mind. My 20th birthday was a turning point for me, as I had to confront the fact that I’m not longer a child. The other day I almost said I was 18 to TSA during airport check-in. Anyways, this book helped me get my shit together mentally.
It’s split into three parts and the second section focused on love + marriage. Essentially she said that we need plan for marriage the same way we plan our careers. As someone who was trained to think this way from birth this was such a “duh!” concept to me. At the same time, I understand not everyone is a young desi girl. IMO, if you’re casually dating for fun past 23 you’re wasting your time. These are pivotal years and it’s easy to get stuck with some average Joe if you’re not careful. As Drake says – “The good one’s go if you wait too long.”
There was a quote in the book that really resonated with me. “She had to shift her mindset from being wanted to wanting.” Up until recently that was something I had always struggled with. My need to be wanted really affected my self-esteem. I’ve never been one to receive a lot of male attention. No DM’s or “hey my friend thinks your cute” texts. This isn’t a pity party, just the facts. I think of myself as pretty, and girls will comment heart eyes on my pictures so I’m not totally alone in this notion. However, because I was so desperate to be wanted I didn’t dare set high expectations for myself. An undesirable girl can’t be out here creating such lofty goals? Wrong. The right person will come along and they will encompass all you’ve ever wanted. As the Tumblr posts say: we accept the love we think we deserve. So think highly of yourself. Never settle. Continue to work on being better. Things will work out eventually.
There are a lot of people I credit to helping me discover my worth. Good friends and kind words will take you far. Going out of your comfort zone will help you build the confidence you need. There are a lot of things I want in life, and I’m allowed to want them. When it comes to relationships there’s nothing wrong with planning out what qualities you want in a partner, and not settling until they’re right for you. Marriage is a serious undertaking that determines your life’s path. You would think someone who just turned 20 would be living a carefree life but here I am stressing my existence away.