Very Lost

It’s 5 pm and the rain continues to pour down heavily. I’m snuggled up in my bed and forcing myself to write something of substance. For so much has changed in my life and there is much to share. The truth is I’ve really been struggling to adjust to this new normal. I graduated college last week and moved back home to the suburbs shortly after. While I’m happy to be surrounded by familiar faces and the comfort of home-cooked meals I miss the life I once lived. It’s a bitter pill to swallow knowing that an entire chapter of your life is over forever. Some days I am happy knowing that the world is full of possibility and other days I sob hysterically because I can’t wrap my head around the fact that college is over. I miss seeing my friends every day, living on my own, and the constant growth.

I’m trying to convince myself that I am happier now than I was before. In reality, being home indefinitely gives me major anxiety. The people I was so desperate to get away from are now the people I am forced to see at the supermarket, family parties, and other suburban run-ins. I wanted to escape this life (and I did) but now I am back to a world of stagnant people who don’t inspire me.

I start working in 2 weeks so that will be another major change. I hope my job gives me energy rather than takes it away. I don’t want the real world to pull me down or dull my sparkle. I need to keep reminding myself that I landed my dream job and that this is something to be excited about!

Does anyone out there know what they want out of life? I for one do not. My plan for this upcoming week is to sit down and plan the next five years. Who do I want to be? Am I surrounding myself with the right kind of people? Am I wasting my energy on things that have no positive outcome? What am I doing to grow? What am I doing to better myself and the world around me?