Faded Feelings

 

When you invest your time into someone you’re able to learn a lot about yourself in the process. It was a hard semester for me; having to come to terms with a lot of things I was too blind to see before. It was almost comical watching me try so hard with someone who wasn’t giving me the attention I so desperately needed and craved. I’m a smart girl. I’m usually the one telling my friends that they can do better and that they need to stop trying so hard. The same “if he cared about you, you’d know” tweet stumbles onto my timeline 14 times a day. It’s as if @god is giving me the 2018 version of a sign. The number one thing I learned this year: you truly cannot get someone to give a shit about you. Get it through your head sis!! It does not matter how many pretty dresses you wear, how hard you work, or how many conversations you two have!! Even if you got abs and dominated the world he’d still be too pigeon headed to realize what he missed out on!!

It’s quite interesting how quickly your feelings for another person can fade away into the distance. At one point in time, they meant everything to you. For him, you would do anything. Now, months later, you can’t believe you let your guard down for something so silly.

I’ve also come to realize that I have two major contradictory complexes going on. I think I’m superior to 99% of the men I know while simultaneously being very insecure. At times, I really can’t fathom that there is someone out there who wants to spend the rest of their life with me. At the same time, the most annoying version of myself is when I have a crush so I’m glad I’m past it.

Words of advice to myself (you can take it too):

  • Do not drop your standards or values for someone you are infatuated with.
  • Do not confuse attention with love.
  • If they are not there for you when you need emotional support they are not the one. No exceptions.
  • You need someone willing to stick through the bullshit. A lot of people love you when you’re making them laugh but who is really there for you in your darker hours.
  • Let them chase you. Do not chase them.
  • Only give them the same amount of love they give you. Don’t do things for them that they wouldn’t even think to do for you.
  • I for one HATE playing games. I’m very clear about my feelings and very open about who I am the second you meet me. However, this strategy has not worked for me so maybe it’s time to adopt a too cool for school persona.
  • Do not beg him to make time for you. He would if he wanted to.
  • If getting him to open up feels similar to pulling teeth.. STOP. You are not a mf dentist.
  • Chemistry will only take you both so far.
  • “You got me tripping, you got me lookin’ in the mirror different. Thinkin’ I’m flawed because you inconsistent” — Cardi B. DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE DEFINE YOUR SELF WORTH. YOU ARE PRETTY WHETHER OR NOT HE TELLS YOU.
  • DO NOT PRIORITIZE BOYS OVER YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, CAREER, ETC!!! YOU FOOL!!!
  • It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t make you happy.