Honestly, major thanks to those of you who keep up with this blog. Every time I look at my statistics I’m blown away by the fact that people seem to care about what I have to say.
Turning 20 was major for me, as I finally feel like an adult. Before my birthday I was a petty ass hoe. I’m learning that I’m allowed to get what I want. I am allowed to be bold. I am allowed to shoot my shot. I am worthy! The only person holding me back was myself. I’m learning to be kinder towards myself. If you don’t treat yourself well why would anyone else? I went into a friends bathroom the other day, and the quote “what you would do if you weren’t afraid?” was on a sticky note. That quote really resonated with me and I’m going to live by it for the remainder of the year/life.
I’ve matured tremendously, and I’m so proud of myself for making it this far! Taking the time to recognize your flaws and working on them has been the biggest takeaway this year. I was awful at confronting people and it led to a lot of unnecessary drama in my life. I’m learning to tackle everything head on and to not allow people to walk all over me. It’s hard when your natural tendency is to run away from your problems but it needs to be done. People need to know when they hurt your feelings. They need to know that you care about them. They need to know that you will come for them if they wrong you. I’m sick of pretending everything is fine all the time and secretly hurting on the inside.
It’s been a very busy semester and I haven’t had the time to sit down and grapple with the many emotions I’ve been feeling. I’ve been in the midst of dealing with some unpleasant situations and I don’t know how to cope. Some days I’m in the best mood and five minutes later I’ll feel as though I need to cry. What’s really helped me is journaling as soon as I wake up. Letting it all out in the morning prevents me from overthinking my existence throughout the day. I want to be socontent with myself to the point where no one can affect me. Currently, my mood depends on my interactions with others throughout the day. Did I spend the day with those who openly love me or did I feel isolated and uncomfortable? Did I workout or did I eat 4 ice cream sandwiches in bed because he didn’t give me the attention I wanted? I’m trying to remain emotionally stable, but it’s been difficult.