Slightly More Secure

After receiving so many kind words after my last post, my heart is full. S/O to all the kind girls out there that took the time to boost me up. I was sitting there crying at how nice some of the messages I received were. Girls have a bad rep out there for trashing each other when in reality that’s fake news. My fears when starting this blog were A) no one would read it and B) everyone would roast me in their group messages. True, some of that may still happen, but I also have a few loyal fans. Big thanks to everyone who reads this, btw. Y’all are the real MVP.

Girls can relate to each other in a way that men will never understand. Plenty of people vented to me about their personal insecurities after my last post. Many told me that they could relate, and it upset me because all of these girls are so pretty. Insecurities including: being too thin, skin color, height, etc. At the end of the day, being a girl is really freaking hard. We are expected to be smart, funny, and successful all while having our hair blown out, and our faces caked (but in a natural way, because guys like girls who wear “no makeup” aka the biggest sham of all. It takes a lot of makeup to look like you’re wearing no makeup) Essentially if you’re not attractive you have to work twice as hard to prove yourself. Like previously stated, some days you feel like a bad b, and other days you don’t. I like to think that Blake Lively also struggles with insecurities, even though she’s the most conventionally beautiful girl out there.

What I also realized after writing my post is that a lot of people who read it have no background information on my life. It was a sad post, but i’m not sad all that often! In actuality, I think of myself as a very put together person. I have a ton on my plate. I have mastered the art of doing 15 things at once. I have a very strong personality, and I’ve capitalized on being “funny”. Making friends comes easy to me. But also it should be known that I work very hard to get people to like me. As Mindy Kaling once said “I’ve always put a lot of energy and effort into people liking me. That’s why I’ve never understood the compliment “effortless.” People love to say: “She just walked into the party, charming people with her effortless beauty.” I don’t understand that at all. What’s so wrong with effort, anyway? It means you care. What about the girl who “walked into the party, her determination to please apparent on her eager face”? Sure, she might seem a little crazy, and, yes, maybe everything she says sounds like conversation starters she found on a website, but at least she’s trying. Let’s give her a shot!” I also work very hard to keep my friendships intact. I text friends often asking to hangout. I tell the people in my life that I love them, and miss them often. There’s nothing wrong with putting effort into relationships imo.

Also, I do think that I’m pretty! Nowadays, looking good is just the combination of good genes and a lot of upkeep. Being pretty is a process. “Pretty” is the result of trips to the salon to remove all hair off your body, hair coloring, and expensive makeup. The days I’m getting my face threaded are the same days I wish I was born a man. I don’t want to have to worry about this. I wish I could focus on my life + career instead. Has anyone else noticed that fat frat boys always score the most beautiful girl? That’s because girls see past looks, and care about substance.

Confidence is weird and has many layers to it. I’m confident enough in myself to post my insecurities on the internet, and share them with hundreds of strangers. I’m not confident enough to ride the mechanical bull, because I think I’ll look like a potato flying around. We had to record ourselves for a project once, and instead of listening to the words coming out of my mouth I kept focusing on whether or not I looked chubby. Having to present in class freaks me out. I skip out on certain things purely because I’m afraid of looking stupid. That line “happy girls are the prettiest” is lame af, but honestly true. Decent human beings won’t make fun of you for being happy, and living your life. Also, if they do DROP THEM. DON’T HANG OUT WITH TRASH.

My personal insecurity is that I feel overweight. One day (hopefully soon) I’ll lose the weight, but I’ll find something else to cry about. It’s a sad cycle that everyone deals with in their own personal way. I like writing posts about myself because it gives me a way to connect with my followers. If you ever find yourself being a sad onion late at night, feel free to slide into my DM’s. Always here to chat, xo.

Big thanks to all the supportive people in my life who have listened to me deal with my problems for years. You know who you are.