a final recap

Hello folks! It’s been a hot minute since I last checked in with all of you beautiful people. 2019 is creeping up on us and before that happens I wanted to neatly wrap up my end-of-year thoughts in a blog post and tie a large red velvet bow on top!

2018 was a whirlwind of a year. I can still picture myself on NYE anxiety ridden as the clock struck 12 knowing that this was the year everything would change for good. You never know what the new year will bring, but with 2018 I was certain about graduation, a new job, and moving back home. Change is inevitable and as a Taurus (I’m slowly getting into astrology) I despise change. 

Luckily, I couldn’t have asked for a better final semester of college. It’s hard for me to write this post as I try not to think about college often. It pains me knowing that an entire era of my life is over forever. Graduation itself was the constant grey cloud that loomed over my head for 5 months. I couldn’t sleep at night because of the crippling anxiety. I was obsessed with things remaining the same because everything was so wonderful. It was a parallel universe and I could not see what life would look like after May, 2018.

Post-grad everything fell apart yet back together simultaneously. There wasn’t much time to grieve as I jumped from one life to the next. Shockingly, I enjoy the structure and routine of adulthood. I love the familiar scent of my office and knowing that there will always be uneaten ginger chews in the snack cabinet. I love oversharing every minuscule detail of my life with my coworkers. I love coming home to my parents at the end of a long day and recapping what happened. The stability and comfort of living at home feels like being wrapped in a warm fleece blanket. While I am fearful that I’ll get stuck in a suburban bubble and forget the thrill of sailing through unsteady water, I am trying to relax my mind and enjoy where I’m currently at. 

While I was once a wild-child who teetered on the edge of unstable, I now have a parking spot, a 10 pm bedtime, and a book club (who refuses to finish the books). I was forced to grow up and I’m happy to see myself mold into a better version of myself. There still hasn’t been enough time to sit back and reflect on every major change that has taken place in my life since everything happened so abruptly. The people who once felt like home are now distant strangers to me and that’s an inevitable part of growing up. Recently I’ve found a new tribe of people who have my back. It’s really been a series of mini-earthquakes every few weeks… and the seismic waves leave me unbalanced knowing that things were not always like this. While I miss my loft, the freedom, and my friends being around me 24/7, adulthood has brought on it’s own set of perks: plane tickets! new friends! money! a gym membership! $14 salads! 

2019 essentially brings us all a fresh slate. May we use it wisely.