is this.. adulthood..

I haven’t had a chance to sit down and reflect for a while since I’m constantly on the go. There’s a certain routine I need to follow in order to get the vibe right; a dimly lit room, candles, comfy pj’s, the soft sound of depressing music on repeat. And guess what! It’s your lucky day! All of those steps have been completed. It’s crying time mf’s.

I’ll jump right into it. Growing up has been a series of losing and finding myself every 6 days. Who I was last thanksgiving is completely different than who I am today. An ocean of change has washed over my life since then. Surprisingly, I feel more in control than ever before. My anxiety has teetered on the brink of extinction. Financial stability and a day-to-day schedule has done wonders for my soul. Happiness to me is purely the illusion of control. Yet, I abandon the routine whenever possible and my life continues to evolve each day. Booking flights on a whim, constant road-trips, experimenting with dating apps.. I’ve been overexerting myself in the name of youth!

These past few months have revolved around planting new friendships while struggling to maintain the old. Running from one “reunion” dinner to the next. I continue to give myself wholeheartedly to those around me in the current moment. Each day has been spent with completely different friends whose worlds would never overlap. I have the unique ability to adapt to any situation and thrive in it. Essentially, I am a chameleon - a reptile usually reserved to describe someone in a negative context.

They say that we are the sum total of our experiences and the people we spend our time with. But what if you spread your time across a series of different people? How many dualities and extremities can one person be? When you’re constantly molding yourself to those around you who are you at your core?