Quotes - Valentine's Edition

Hello earthlings! Valentine’s Day is coming up and I am overwhelmed at the sheer number of heart balloons they managed to fit inside of the grocery store. Everywhere I turn I am reminded that I will be spending another vday alone. While I quite enjoy being single it’s hard not to get sucked into the hallmark vortex that is embedded inside of me. I’ve been listening to a lot of relationship-centric podcast episodes lately in an effort to better myself. I also managed to compile a series of passages that made me feel better about my existence so I’ve pasted them down below. You’re welcome!

I hope you find someone who makes you feel seen. More than that, I hope you find someone who loves you for those same reasons you love yourself: your pain, your past, your ambition, your strong opinions, your goals, your crazy family, your mistakes, your triumphs, your secret habits, whatever it is. I hope you find someone who loves you for the very qualities that others have questioned, who helps you accept the stuff you sometimes struggle with, and who recognizes that “flaws” are just part of your story. Oh, what a beautiful story I’m sure it is.

"What sustains our relationship is I'm extremely happy with her, and part of it has to do with the fact that she is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways.”

I got into the nasty habit of romanticizing my relationships, looking at them through rose-colored glasses until they morphed into flowery semblances of the truth. Like a fairy tale.

If you have “a planner” like me in your life, please indulge us from time to time. Put something on the calendar a little ways out. Show us you plan on sticking around, remaining part of our growth, milestones, fun times (and rocky ones), and we’ll do the same for you. Create a little plan with me and my heart will balloon more than the Grinch’s on Christmas. I will find ways to elevate the itinerary. I will pencil you into my calendar. I will make sure to bring my best self that day. How’s that for a plan?

Technology has shifted the landscape by presenting a version of the world that feels both impossibly small and intoxicatingly large. 

It took some time and a lot of distraction, but I was finally able to ask myself the underlying question — why were these strangers making me feel bad about myself? Why was I giving up my sense of worth as a companion entirely to this pool of bachelors? Why was my vulnerability extending to all aspects of self, instead of just limiting it to what it actually was — the viability of compatibility with this particular individual?”

After being known and not loved by my ex, a big part of me wanted to play it safe and pursue a more superficial version of love. It was an instinctual reaction to full-scale rejection: Hide the more complicated parts of yourself that are harder for someone to understand. 

I hate that I am the one left with these questions, although maybe what I am really left with is simply my own obstinate feeling that I was owed more than what I got. I have filled the space he left behind with narratives I wrote to suit my own purposes, but the truth is, humans are just bad sometimes.

Going with my gut helped me weed out the relationships I instinctively knew weren't going anywhere. Like that Hinge date who loved The Lumineers. (Just because he knows all the words to “Ophelia” does not necessarily make him The One; they have a very large fan base.) 

At the end of the day, I’d rather understand and be understood than never have real answers. I’d rather not magnify the effects of miscommunications and misperceptions by erecting a wall in the form of my own, unproven conclusions.